Falling forward

I am trying to write a book, yes? I am making so much progress on it, believe you me.

I have not written a syllable in quite some time now. I don’t remember what section I was working on, let alone what my train of thought might have been in said section.

I’ve just been so…distracted lately. I’m easily derailed, especially by the Internet. It’s my biggest work-derailing problem. I don’t want to know how many hours I log online, because I’m certain the total would be embarrassing.

My greatest weakness appears to be webcomics, and my need to know a story’s complete buildup, even if I decide within an episode or two that I don’t care and won’t continue reading it once I’m caught up. I read cast pages for comics I stumble across, and then move on. I stay up way too late, especially since I get up at 4:30 a.m. or so on work days.

From what I’ve searched and read about curing Internet addiction, I don’t think I fit the criteria of a true addict, nor do I think that that’s self-deception, either. I don’t lie about how long I’ve been online, but that’s because no one asks. I don’t panic if I’m going to be without Internet access for a while, though if it’s going to be longer than a day or two I find it annoying, as e-mail is one of the better ways of getting in touch with me. (Well, it is.)

I just know that I spend too much time online, especially at night, and I feel guilty about it. I’m wasting time. Somewhere there are things that could definitely use my attention that would be more worthwhile. Why then am I so attracted to fluff? And what can I do about it?

In regards to GH (the book), I’m going to take a stab at writing it longhand. I’ve got a few notebooks that I can use, and if I’m writing longhand, I’m not in front of the computer — fewer distractions. I might actually get work done! Cure my compulsion to read webcomics, especially all of each one I find whether or not I care about it at all!

I’ve got to remember: fall forward.

I heard the idea of falling forward on Family Life Radio, in a little snippet from Beth Moore. “Just keeping taking another step in His direction no matter how ugly — and if you fall, fall forward and not back.” (Source: The Beloved Disciple, p. 206, by Beth Moore.)

I have the feeling that seriously reducing my online time isn’t so much a fall forward as it is more like kicking a pebble out of my path. (A pebble that is probably glued to the ground.) But it’s a start. It’ll give me more time to sleep, to work on GH and also to read a book my wonderful dad got for me earlier today — “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper.

You’d think God was trying to tell me something here.

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