(New look again! I am a sucker for themes.)

One thing about doing chores is that you can get the feeling that you’re accomplishing a lot, when in reality you’re just doing the same thing over and over again. It’s good that what’s being done is being done, but nothing’s changed. Whatever is now clean will be dirty again tomorrow, or in my house, within five minutes. Twenty minutes, tops.

That’s mostly what I’ve been doing while on leave. Chores. I have a very clean house for a woman with a four-year-old and a three-week-old. My laundry is caught up. I’ve recently vacuumed. Groceries are stocked. The car is even clean. I fixed my laptop so it would stop randomly freezing and/or shutting down.

I wrote three sentences in GH.

I’m glad that I have a clean house. I’m glad that I’m caught up, so to speak, on my normal household tasks before I go back to work on Monday. I’m disappointed that I’ve had three weeks here at home, and I’ve written as many sentences. I’m disappointed that after months of meaning to study the Avon website and learn how to grow my business, I still haven’t done it, even though I’ve had three weeks of hanging out at home to do so, or at least start.

I’m near constantly wondering and/or worrying about the future. Primarily, I worry about money. I handle the finances for our family, and while there’s enough money to cover obligations (read: bills), there never seems to be a comfortable margin, or enough for savings. With two girls now to provide for, I worry about how we’ll handle paying for their education, growing up expenses, etc., while keeping a roof over their heads and food on the table. Also, Chris is Type 1 diabetic, and keeping him in insulin, syringes and other supplies takes a toll.

(And now I’ve got a new problem which could prove to be…interesting.)

I have a great job, which I’m returning to on Monday. Yet I still check job ads, consider getting a part-time job, try to figure out how to make my Avon business bigger (but then don’t do anything about it, grr), and put stuff up on eBay. Is it that I a) am not fully satisfied, b) fret too much, or c) both?

I think part of my problem is that I haven’t figured out what I want to be when I grow up, and I’m almost 32 years old.


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