Change in perspective, self

A long time ago and just recently, I would see women out in town, women who (in my eyes) wore baggy, unattractive clothing that oftentimes didn’t disguise problematic figures, needed a haircut, maybe a little touching up on their face…women who just looked sloppy. Nearly all of these women would have at least one kid with them, either walking alongside or riding in a stroller. They’d be at Wal-Mart, the gas station or the grocery store, buying cheap food, drinking from a big bottle of soda, and looking tired, worried, and miserable.

And I would think, I’m glad I’m not you.

This afternoon, Az, Jordan and I went on a walk to the nearby SRS office so I could turn in my filled out Vocational Rehabilitation application, a request for job assistance form. Beautiful sunny day. We stopped at a gas station to get fun things to drink, and we were on our way.

As we walked, I took my first real look at my appearance — baggy, untucked tee-shirt, “problematic figure”, gray sweatpants, battered slip-on shoes, my uncut hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, my face nude of makeup (as usual). I looked at what I was drinking — a huge bottle of soda.

I am one of those women.

I’m still unemployed. My unemployment assistance might be canceled (and I won’t go into that here; that’s my concern). I can’t use my next WIC checks until the 9th. I have stitches in my face because I just had a dot of skin cancer removed. I have, praise God, a job interview with the SRS office in Topeka (a state job! Yes!) on the 13th, and I’m praying like mad that I do well at the interview and get the job.

I worry a lot, and some nights it’s rather difficult to get to sleep. Still got to get up when Jordan and Az wake up, though. They are a hard pair to resist.

I humbly apologize to all women who have been or are in a similar boat. I was wrong for my thoughts, and I pray for all of you. I thank God for showing me my stupidity and judgmental-ness. (I know that’s not a word; I don’t care.)

(P.S. Must….tinker…with….layout!)

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