Domesticity · Faith · Family · Life

Changes, changing.

Well, let’s see here. I said I’d update eventually, so here goes.

It’s been just a little nuts.

Fortunately, peak season at Vangent is over. March 2 (California’s initial deadline for the FAFSA) and March 10 (Indiana’s) are in the past. Things are starting to slow down, return to what likely passes for normal there. Unfortunately, my average call handle time is still too high, and I fear that when layoffs begin in April, that I’ll be one of the ones let go. So I’ve been polishing my letter-writing and resume-sending skills, applying to nearly all manner of likely jobs, including one with a former employer. Hopefully, something will bite soon. (Hint, hint.) Or who knows? I might get my call time down.

In the meantime, I’ve been doing a lot of housework and errands, and Friday, I think I may have done too much in one day. Took care of the girls in the morning, took Az to school, fed Jordan lunch, took 45 minutes for myself to eat my own lunch and read a book. Jordan wakes up, time to get Az from school. Picked her up, went to a silver dealer, to Goodwill, to the bank, to the library, back to Goodwill to look for new shirts and ties for Chris. Back home to make dinner, do laundry, get the girls fed, bathed and in bed. Got Chris to work. Did several loads of laundry, was up until 2 a.m. doing laundry and dishes. Got pretty darned resentful and angry towards the end. Tired housewife pity train — “Feels like I do everything around here,” etc. It was likely not helpful that Chris had spent the day sleeping, but he did so for a legitimate reason: He had worked all night long, and then came home at noon from his store’s weekly management meeting.

I let it all get to me, and worked myself in a serious irritation, at myself as well as whatever (imaginary) nebulous forces were causing me to do all this awful housework (said nebulous forces being me). I got angry at myself for getting so angry. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning in a rotten mood as well, and kept it for at least part of the morning.

But for heaven’s sake, why? Such a stupid thing to get frustrated about. Rather, I’ve been trying to accept and internalize the philosophy of doing everything for the glory of God, and to be thankful for what He has given me to do. Apparently, I’m having a harder time of this than I predicted.

So I’m going to pray, think about this, and of course, read. I’ve got The Family Manager Takes Charge, by Kathy Peel. I think I’ve mentioned it before. It’s a good book.

And speaking of books, I’m making good progress on Hunger, my story about Adrian. I’ve figured out the main plot points — Adrian seeks direction and a sense of what his purpose is in life, his brother wants their family to be closer, and to feel like he’s not alone — and I have a better sense of where the story is going to go, and where and when it is set. It’s written in journal form, and it’s slowly becoming apparent that there’s something very wrong with Adrian. It’s going to get ugly, but ultimately things will get better. Because I want a happy ending. Because Adrian is me (well, sort of).

So I’m hoping for better days ahead for both of us. All of us.

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