Family · Life

Hiding

Not me personally, mind you. I haven’t been hiding. I’ve either been at work or at home, doing various things. The hiding in the title refers to what I’ve been doing to myself and others: I’ve been hiding my bad eating habits.

I dislike cooking. I used to say that I hate to cook, but “hate” is a very strong word, and should be used appropriately, for things that a person truly despises. So I say I dislike cooking. I’m not entirely certain why; I’ve never bothered to analyze. I may have simply been born without the right homemaker gene (which would also explain why I don’t like certain types of cleaning, or sewing). It could be because I so seldom have any ideas as to what to cook, and I get frustrated trying to come with something that isn’t the same old thing day after day.

The main cause, and of this I’m certain, is that I’m lazy. So I eat out, much more often than I should. And when I eat out, sadly, I expend great amounts of energy to conceal this fact, from myself and others. Primarily by driving to a franchise that’s quite some distance from my home (using gas), and eating in the car on the way (can’t really see what or how much I’m eating), and then throwing away the evidence before I walk in the door at home.

I won’t go into detail about how I do this, but it hit me today about how stupid and disrespectful I’ve been, to myself, to God, and to my family. It hit me today as I was eating a McChicken from McDonald’s, which to me are peppery, and as I thought about what I might drink to cool my mouth, I realized that the only thing I had to drink with me was the diet drink I had taken to work with me. Cool, chocolate-y, weight loss-y. I had taken it to work with the best intentions of drinking it so I can work to curb my appetite, take control of my caloric intake, lose weight, and…and…McChicken sandwiches are really, really peppery.

I felt so, so stupid. I also felt compelled to write this blog entry about it, as a way of public confession, and thus as a way of keeping this realization in my mind, since every time I open my browser (Firefox, whoo!), my blog is my home page, and I’ll see this post (until I write a few more, anyway).

And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to start dinner for my family. I’m going to have the poor, neglected diet drink. They are pretty good. And not peppery in the slightest.

3 thoughts on “Hiding

  1. You know what I used to do? I had a fridge calender that I wrote down what we were having for dinner every other nite. I’d write down a couple of beef, chicken, pork, veggie dinners through out the month and then make my grocery list from that. If I didn’t want something that I knew I already made before I go to allrecipes.com or http://www.bettycrocker.com or I look on the box of Bisquick for new recipes. One of the sites has you put in the ingredient you want to use like chicken…and it’ll search recipes for you. And then you just browse until you see something that’s interesting. I think for me, it worked because I planned it out ahead of time and I didn’t wait until supper to go…”What do I want to have for dinner”. And it’s not like I actually followed the meal schedule. It was just kinda a place holder so that I knew that dinner was stocked in the pantry some where. If I wrote down Chicken Terriaki Tuesday but I wanted beef, maybe I’d switch beef stew with chicken.

    For me the hardest part of losing weight is my job…it’s hard to get away from fast food and pop when you work with it allllllll day and you get your meal for free. But we’ve brought back the Asian salad which is suppose to be tasty and good for you…now if I could just get over my thing with eating fruit and veggies in the same dish…

    We should start food diaries together Laura…

  2. The fridge calendar is a great idea!

    My job causes a bit of difficulty in my weight-loss travails also, but that’s because it’s a sedentary job — I sit in a cubicle, attached to my phone via headset for eight hours a day. If I would remember to bring my lunch, that would help, but nine times out of ten I don’t, and so have to forage the vending machines or whomever the day’s catering business is, and they generally don’t have low-calorie (or inexpensive) dishes on their menus.

    Food diaries, eh?

  3. Yup. You keep a small notebook with you wherever you go and you write down what you ate, when you had it, and how much you ate of it. No fibbing in it either. It makes you look at how much you’re eating and helps you recognize patters. I did it when I was pregnant with Kai because we were on WIC at the time and you had to keep track of what you ate. It made me a lot more conscientious about what I was eating and what triggered bad eating habits, including the unconscious ones.

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